in response to beeeeeing yourself

 My friend Sarah Ann Noel wrote the best blog about contentment, acceptance and beeeeing yourself! I loved what she had to say, and in response I wrote to her...


"Hi, I'm Jami. I am a funny girl who wants nothing more in life than to just love it. I am in love with China, laugh at kids when they are bad, and am not-so-secretly a nerd."
and let me add to this (which I didn't include in her post) "I enjoy not matching, but I also envy fashionable people. My room is always a mess. I pretend to give a damn. I don't. I enjoy a good margarita, but give me a beer with the guys and I am equally happy. I don't enjoy wearing makeup and in a perfect world I think everyone would be bald and walk around barefoot (I hate doing my hair and wearing shoes, especially socks). I love depressing music that makes me feel sorry for myself and I sing loud in the car. I think my most valuable feature is my sense of humor. I don't like my round face, but I am learning to love it. Love me really."


Thats who I am! I just took a few minutes to eat dinner in the middle of this post and I was thinking to myself, the other day when this other teacher at work said "I hate blogs. I hate people who have blogs about their lives and not one with a purpose" I retorted with, "Well, I have a blog. But, its about my journey getting accepted to teach in China, thats it" No. No, thats not it! Why was I nervous to say "Yeah, about China and my life! Just my everyday life" There is where I realize I am afraid to be myself sometimes. I am too nervous about what other people think. If I wanna write a blog that talks about what I did today, or what's on my mind, I CAN! I can blog about how upset I am about my breakup, about which shoes I should buy, about nerdy geocaching adventures or just pictures of my friends! I am so glad that Sarah wrote that. She really knew how to put it. Thanks, Sarah! :)


Its been 2 weeks since I have heard 2-4 weeks until an acceptance notification with CIEE. Obviously I am counting.
In other news (haha) I miss Dan. I am not afraid to say it. I am not afraid to let people how vulnerable and crushed I am by all this. I worked all 3 of my jobs yesterday to keep busy, I am about to go to Target now and walk around so I don't have to sit here and think about it. Or maybe I will go to the library. I can't get him  out of my mind.


Where do we go from here?
How do we carry on?
I can't get beyond the questions.
Clambering for the scraps
in the shatter of us collapsed.
It cuts me with every could-have-been.

Pain on pain on play, repeating
With the backup makeshift life in waiting.

Everybody says time heals everything.
But what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in-between?
Are we just going to wait it out? - imogen heap "wait it out"




Obviously I am going through something here. haha (pre-quarter life crisis?)