stereomood.com

 check this out! an online radio station with songs to match your mood. i have a feeling this is going to be my new obsession. it has everything from energetic to melancholy. from sexy to crying. from foreplay (haha) to let's party! the music choices are really great and totally my kind of music.

stuck at home for 2 days with strep throat. can't complain because i don't have to work, but i would rather be working then not be able to eat solid foods. boo. hope i am better by this weekend. being at home makes me think too much and miss someone... maybe i will listen to the lonely station on stereo mood. boo hoo me. haha

post secret

Sunday Secrets << click to see for yourself
post secret is such a powerful thing. it lets people tell there secrets to the world when they have never told anyone before. that can be so freeing. i check the website every sunday for the new secrets. its therapeutic for me to see that people all over have issues, secrets, problems, just like i do. i am not saying mine are as extreme as some on there, but it really helps me cope with the issues i am facing in my life.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” Plato 
 I enjoy that quote because no matter who you are,  or what kind of life you live, everyone is facing an inner demon or battle that really molds them. and who are we to judge that?
i especially love finding a card that is my secret. makes me feel less alone.


now, onto more exciting things :) china! everything is officially sent in - forms, money (yikes) and my picture for chinese schools to look at. my "lifestyle photo" they call it(to the left). i am very excited to get out of here! i think about it every day! right now it is just a waiting game to find out my teaching placement. i am keeping fingers crossed for primary school. i have been watching youtube videos of people teaching classes over there and i get really excited. i just want to know what level i will be teaching so i can start preparing! and shipping some materials over! i am SO HAPPY lauren and jeff are letting me have a webcam to take :) they are so sweet to do that for me, and its one less thing i have to worry about financially. love you both!


the rest of my day i will be listening to andrew bird and cleaning.
probably putting these songs on repeat - heretics, imitosis, armchairs, fake palindromes and anonanimal

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine


this quote has always been my favorite on love.
tonight my mind is just racing about it.
i want to be able to post about china but its like, this is the forefront right now.
its boring, it might be annoying, but its where i am at right now.
i have good days. i have bad days. i have days where i over think and analyze every aspect of my life. i have days where i dont think at all.  i laugh. but i also feel something very sad. i have hope. but i dont want it to be too high.
i misunderstand and take things too literally. 
then i sit and wait.


 sushi adventure with brook yesterday :) . i made sushi, for the first time! legit. 


 i swear, without my friends, i would be so lost.

my best friend

this is my best friend sarah noel :) i just wanna say how much she has made my weekend so amazing. we have been together literally all weekend just laughing, talking, screaming, playing wii, having drinks, grilling hot dogs, sitting by fires, and making new friends. she is one of the best "diggies" i could have ever asked for. through thick and thin we are there for each other. through good times and through mistakes. we make bad decisions together :) and share in each others triumphs and listen during each others' failures. i love how she supports me and encourages me to do things for myself. she reminds me i am a strong person and i am worth it. she has faith in me and is never judgmental.
love you sarah!

things are going well with my china application. i am letting sarah take some pictures of me today for my "lifestyle photo" haha. me in real life i guess. i also need to get all my medical stuff going and figure out how to pay for it without insurance - all while saving for my program fee and a plane ticket, not to mention more clothes, supplies, luggage, a webcam (or new computer), etc etc. the list is ongoing. i am so excited though still. i am ready to go now honestly! i am ready for this new chapter of my life to begin. i am ready to leave and just be me. on my own. see what i can accomplish.

realization

still, excitement is overtaking me and i spent the majority of the day printing paperwork, organizing, making multiple copies for the parents, flagging signatures, highlighting and taking notes! you have to be organized when you are planning on leaving the country. for 5 months. on your own. far far away. :) now comes the part where i actually am realizing its true. that its not just an idea i had, or a thought. its going to be a journey, knocking me completely out of my comfort zone. that is where nervousness kicks in. i am so glad i have the next few months to mentally prepare and get ready for this amazing experience. i am so thankful for awesome friends who are so excited for me and have faith that i can do this. for my family too who thinks the same thing. the few teachers i told at North are pumped for me too, and my Title I staff of course are way excited for me. i love the support i am getting.
sent the first 2 pieces of paperwork in today via email as well as my committment fee (laaaaame).
here goes nothing, or... everything! :)

acceptance!!!!

ITS OFFICIAL!!!
 i just found out a half hour ago that i got accepted to teach in china through CIEE! when i saw the email acceptance letter i literally started jumping up and down in my room, screaming, laying on the floor kicking my legs around -- totally scared my dog :) i cannot believe it!! this dream i had is actually coming true. i really can do this, i can't believe that it is actually gonna happen!!! i am still in shock right now and cannot quit smiling.

there was more to it but just details of my next few steps in this process. obviously its not readable but you can see the congratulations at least :) i have 48 hours to accept their offer :) i will be doing that ... well... tomorrow once i sit down with my family and let them know this is real, i am doing it, i am serious about it!!! i am so happy. this is just what i needed to hear today!

china, here i come. geesh i am so lame. :)

"the verb" - the swell season.

Running away won't change anything

It only puts it off

Stand on the spot

Work out where you are and take it all from there.

spring

  

 

cute right? yep, i got on etsy again. i just got my locket 2 days ago though :) i love love love it! so... i needed to be excited again on another etsy purchase so what do i do? order some more stuff! i love the flower earrings for spring. and the button ones were just too cute to pass up and for only $1.75! you can't beat it. I wanted to buy another necklace and a bracelet but I am going to wait. Big news - i got my first credit card :) i went and responsibly purchased some new styles for spring and beginning of summer from old navy. i walked around, took my time and splurged on myself. i have NEVER done that. it felt good! i have been saving saving saving and i deserve a little shopping spree.

so... CIEE sent out an update on applications and said that they did give a few formal acceptances this week. was i one of them... no. :( i am super nervous now. they will be giving more next week.... like i have mentioned many times before. i really want this. teaching in china is my biggest passion. i am so ready to just dive into their culture and be kicked out of my comfort zone. next week is just gonna be a waiting game... what can i do to keep my mind off of it?

spring break is ending. i am very sad. feel like i worked all through it... no rest. it did kinda get my mind off things for awhile which was nice. not altogether, but a good amount. in all honestly, its on my mind no matter what i do. he is everywhere...

is time going slow or is it just me?

 am anxiously awaiting to hear back from CIEE. i would add impatiently to that as well. i got an email on friday saying that they were beginning to look at applications and were viewing them in the order of completion. Well, i completed mine sometime mid-Feb. so I am hoping that mine is somewhere in the first mix of apps they look at. i permanently have my fingers crossed right now. i need this. i need to be in China more than anything. i need something in my life to look forward too. take that back, i AM looking forward to nannying some pretty awesome kiddos this summer. I had lunch with Maddie, her two brothers Travis (5) and Sean (3 almost 4) and her mother Meg on Monday afternoon. The kids were so funny and sweet. They are gonna be such a refreshment this summer. I get to play mom for a little over 2 months :) Packing lunches to go to the pool, bike rides, park visits, afternoon matinees, craft time and lunch dates. I can't wait till June. I only hope that I find out soon if I get accepted because I gotta figure out what I am going to do with my life come August if not!

i want to see this movie more than anything! i have to wait till aug 13 though!! my life story almost? not really, but i can connect on some levels.
eat. pray. love.

low rising

you know that feeling when you know you are about to do something that maybe requires a little thought but you are going to jump right in anyway? yeah, i am about to have that moment.

i want to sit you down and talk
i want to pull back the veils
and find out what it is that i've done wrong
i want to tear these curtains down
i want you to meet me somewhere tonight in this old tourist town

and we'll go low rising
cause we've gotta come up, we've gotta come up
low rising
cause there's no further for us to fall
low rising
cause I feel we've had enough
and we're, low rising
all for the love of you
 -- the swell season

you like folk music? the kind you feel deep inside your chest? check them out
their new cd -strict joy